I had many ideas for titles but settled on Shorts You Will Never Wear. All the titles had reasons to dismiss them with a guffawry wave of the arms. I could just have easily called the collection any of the following:
The Horse Who Couldn’t do Algebra--No horses to my knowledge do algebra. I'm not a horse but I can't do it (whatever it is).
Twelve Couples Cut a Dash at Sainsbury’s--Who cuts dashes these days; they'd have to have been wearing swords.
Bloomfontein High Street from a Faulty Web Cam--What can anyone really see from a faulty camera?
Beaches, Dams and Madame Krsatskas’s Trowel Sharpener--Trowels don't need sharpening if used for the purpose they were designed for.
Four weddings, Four Funerals and Two Barrels of Gunpowder--Too Swiss, too formulaic
Screaming for the Sake of it--I like it--screaming for the sake of it--but not as a title.
Entering the House of the Subconscious, Humming a Dissonant Tune and Legging it--it has good parts but in the end it was unwieldy and weirdy.
Swinging on a Branch That Will Snap or Not--too much what if, we want snappings not the promise of what a snapping may bring.
Doctor Manifest the Goon Japist, of Lower Hutt--Might to well in the antipodean market but not north of the equator.
Tales from Nowhere--Trying too hard to be clever and heading for an orificy end, so to speak.
When Does the Dropping Stop?--Good title but had little relevance to any stories in the book.
Squirrels, Squirrelers and Squirrelophiles--Too squirrelly.
Pyjama Hems Frozen in Jelly--Reminds me of a nightmare I once had and can't forget.
Daytime and Night-time: the same thing but different?--Cheap shot at Outer Mongolian Footwear (a funk band from Broadstairs in Yorkshire).
Shorts You’d Wear if Pushed--Perfect we'll go for that. No wait; straining, one last push.
A Collection of Tales--Damn it; lost. Think, you bastard, think!
Shorts You Will Never Wear—bingo let’s go down the pub.
This was my circuitous route to a title that feels, looks and smells okay to me. What do you think? Can you think of a better title?